Redefining Parenting: Effective Discipline Strategies for Parents (2025)

How about some stats to make you sad? Kids are on screens an average of 7 hours a day…and we spend 85% of our parenting energy on what our kids are doing wrong.

Aw, man!

It stinks to start with the negative.

In fact, that will train our brains to see more negative things, which is why I did it.

Do you feel more down after reading that? More worried? More hopeless about our kids’ generation?

The GOOD news is that there’s another way.

I’m beyond honored to host Ralphie Jacobs of Simply on Purpose today to remind us that not only CAN we look for the positive, but we must – because it works, and it’s actually easier than yelling angrily at our kids!

You’ll come away from this interview feeling so encouraged and ready to parent differently, with 85% of your energy (or more!) focused on the positive!

Get ready to learn:

  • how to create positive momentum in your child’s day
  • why asking a kid or teen, “Why did you do that?” becomes a parenting trap (that you DON’T want to fall into!)
  • what comes first in parenting – the words or the feelings
  • a much better way to say, “If you don’t clean your room, you don’t get to come to the movie,” that’s actually EASIER to enforce!
  • why fear-based behavior is bad for everyone in the long run
  • an incredibly powerful way to guard your connection with your child – and raise kids who, like Ralphie’s, want to call home and come home to be with parents <3
  • what is MORE important than your child’s good behavior
  • why holding to your boundaries IS showing love, and how to do that without yelling or threatening
  • the only way to help kids make better choices is to…
  • fascinating (and simple) ideas to get kids on board with chores (yes, chores!!!)
  • allllll about “looking for the good” – the why and how and benefits

This is as uplifting as it is practical, mamas and papas out there!

Be sure to grab Ralphie’s free email course here!

Video or audio? For the first 5 years, this show “The Healthy Parenting Connector” was a video interview series. You can still watch the video, but NOW it’s also a podcast, renamed “Healthy Parenting Handbook.” Find all the episodes here or listen on your favorite podcast player:

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Don’t forget to leave us a review on Apple Podcasts too! Thank you!

Can’t see the video? Watch Redefining Parenting here on YouTube!

No time for the video? Here are the notes!

Redefining Parenting by Looking for the Good

  • 1:14: Today I’m talking with Ralphie Jacobs of Simply on Purpose. She’s a positive parenting educator and has so much good to say.
  • 2:30: Ralphie has four daughters. She shares a bit of her background with us and how she got into educating parents. She didn’t start out as a star parent and she shares a couple of stories of times where she regretted how she handled a situation and how she grew from it.
  • 7:20: Every parenting system is a blend of the philosophical and the practical. We get into the philosophy behind what Ralphie teaches. She uses four pillars to teach parents: be in control of yourself, teach your child, look for what’s good, and ignore the junk.

A parent’s true role is not to look for and fix weaknesses, a parent’s true role is to create lots of good behavior. -Ralphie Jacobs

  • 10:30: Now let’s get into the practical real-life examples. Looking for good and ignoring the junk often go hand in hand as two sides of the same coin. Let’s say you ask your child to take out the trash and they’re complaining and angry about it. You can engage and yell back or you can ignore the junk and look for the good by calmly thanking them for taking out the trash and being a help to the family.
  • 11:52: Here’s another example. A child is angry and she’s stomping upstairs yelling that she hates this house, you’re the worst mom and she’s running away. You would ignore the shouting and thank her for going to calm down in her room because that’s a wise choice.

Creating Positive Associations with Good Behavior

  • 12:20: Parents assume that kids should do the things that need to be done just because it needs to be done. But that’s no fun. Encouraging your child’s effort even in the small things that are necessary will create positive forward motion. Behavior generalizes. When you say something good about one behavior, it encourages all good behaviors. This works in reverse too, if you’re only ever pointing out the negative, it can create more negative behavior.
  • 14:03: It’s a lot of mental work for parents who tend to spot the negative to get out of that rut and start seeing the positive. Even if it’s hard for you, give it a try. Resist pointing out all the negative, seek the good, and see what happens. We often think our thoughts have to change before our behavior but nothing will change if we wait. Start behaving your way into new thinking.

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  • 16:34: Our brains default to looking for what’s going wrong as a survival mechanism, but it’s not a happy way to live. When you say good things out loud you can almost trick your brain into believing it. If you say “You’re such a kind sister.” to your daughter, you’ll view her behavior more positively, and then she’s more likely to rise to your vision and become that kind sister.

Chemicals in Pajamas?

Kids spend about half their time in bed and pajamas. Most kids PJs are laced with toxic flame-retardant chemicals or made with fabrics that will melt when exposed to flames and we say “No thank you!” to those in our house!

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It’s tricky to find non-toxic pajamas, but I’ve got you covered!Some of our favorite brands of non-toxic PJs:

Read more about why to choose organic, non-toxic pajamas.

Flip the Script with Positive Parenting

  • 18:30: Many parents fall into this habit, maybe it sounds familiar! “If you don’t eat your broccoli, you don’t get dessert” “Your room needs to be clean before we leave, or you can’t go to the movie.” How can we flip the script here to avoid parenting through threats?
  • 18:56: We throw out negative consequences because we’re gaining leverage. Negative consequences make you the bad guy and create a disconnect. You can rephrase the same things in a positive way to add to your child’s life rather than threaten to take things away. “Everyone who has a clean room can come on to the movie with me. I’m so excited to go with you. How can I help you clean up your room? Should I put on some fun music?” You’re coming alongside your child to build skills and momentum and offer encouragement.
  • 24:00: I can hear you all now…but what if they don’t do it? What then? First switch your mindset from “what if they don’t” to “what if they do” and believe that they will, and encourage them as if they will. Looking for more positive parenting tips? Check out this interview with Amy McCready as well.

The Power of Empathy in Parenting

  • 25:18: If the child truly doesn’t get it done, balance justice with mercy. Were they just having a bad day or is this habitual? If it’s become a habit then hold your boundaries, follow through, and express empathy and compassion. “Oh, what a bummer. I’m so sorry that it didn’t quite happen, but I know you’ll do better next time.”
  • 26:12: The law is not what this child deserves, but the law is what this child needs. Those are two totally different ways to think about parenting. What does my child need? If my child needs me to follow through, then I’m going to follow through. If my child needs me to be merciful, I’m going to be merciful. Find what your child needs and make a decision based on that.
  • 26:40: Empathy really is a powerful tool in our parenting toolbox. When you use the phrase “everyone who has the clean room gets to come to the movie,” and then if the kid doesn’t make it, it’s easier to say, I’m so sad for you, as opposed to the opposite where you’re threatening and taking away.
  • 27:44: Ralphie says: relationship first, behavior second. It’s more important to keep the relationship intact and no, not to be a pushover or a permissive parent, part of holding on to that relationship is following through with the boundaries that you have. You can teach them through kindness, through boundaries, through your limits, and through empathy, how to love in a way that’s going to benefit them for the rest of their lives.
  • 30:12: A parent’s role is to be their child’s teacher. Teaching them life skills is fundamental. It’s so much easier in the short term to just do things for your kids, but doing this creates a situation most parents hate. We want our kids to be capable and don’t want them to need us to do every little thing for them.

The only way that a child gets better at making choices, is by allowing them to make lots and lots of them. -Ralphie Jacobs

  • 32:16: Ralphie has three tips for starting a chore routine that works: make it fun, make it rewarding, and focus on what they do well. Some ideas to make chores fun are music, party lights, games like “floor is lava,” and making a time-lapse. Why should kids do chores anyway?
  • 34:06: Ralphie’s reward system is called the family economy and it teaches kids that their efforts equal rewards.
  • 35:33: Ralphie tells a story about her husband and daughter that illustrates some of the ideas we’ve been discussing today.

My son Paul wrote a real cookbook!

He and 4 friends have published a cookbook by kids, for kids, all healthy foods — Chef Junior.

If you want to see how kids write to kids and get some fab bonuses for supporting these 5 teen authors, buy the book and then redeem the bonuses the kids created!

TAKE A LOOK

The Benefits of Cooking with Children

  • 38:30: Getting in the kitchen together with your kids creates tons of opportunities to look for the good and offer encouragement.
  • 39:39: My 12-year-old makes our dressing, and I put a sticky note on his spot at the table to remind him to make more today, so I need to make it my focus this evening to thank him and let him know how that contributes to our family.
  • 40:18: There’s another soap box that Ralphie and I share and that is the benefits of boredom. It’s so hard these days for kids to find the chance to be bored with technology waiting to fill every second for them. Make time for unstructured play and exploration for your kids. Don’t always create experiences and set out activities to keep them occupied. Help your kids thrive in spite of technology.
  • 42:51: I’m sure some of you listening/reading are in survival mode. You don’t have the mental capacity to change your words and look for good and you don’t have the time to take away the screens and get on the floor with your kids. If you are in survival mode, have grace with yourself. That being said, it takes so much energy to yell, it takes so much energy to teach and teach and teach and teach, but you’re teaching ineffectively because the child is crying while you’re teaching or you’re mad while you’re teaching. Positive parenting, looking for what’s good, saves so much time and it saves so much energy.

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  • 46:02: Ralphie has a free email course about why parents yell and how to stop the cycle.

Resources We Mention for Looking for Good

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Ralphie lives in Austin Texas with her husband and their 4 daughters. As an Early Childhood Education expert, Ralphie quickly learned that the best way to impact a child’s life for good is to teach parents. She founded @‌simplyonpurpose where she has built a community of over 600K families and writes about parenting, family culture, and living with purpose. Her audio course has changed thousands of homes and she travels across the country speaking at workshops on positive parenting.

What You Should Do Next:

1. Subscribe to the Healthy Parenting Handbook Newsletter

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2. Try a Free Preview of My Cooking Class for Kids

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3. Enroll in the Online Cooking Course for Kids:

Enroll now in the Wall Street Journal’s #1 recommended online cooking class for kids (also rated 5 stars on Facebook). See what fits your family best HERE.

About Katie Kimball

Redefining Parenting: Effective Discipline Strategies for Parents (11)Katie Kimball, CSME, creator of Kids Cook Real Food and CEO of Kitchen Stewardship®, LLC, is passionate about connecting families around healthy food. As a trusted educator and author of 8 real food cookbooks, she’s been featured on media outlets like ABC, NBC and First for Women magazine and contributes periodically on the FOX Network.

Since 2009, busy moms have looked to Katie as a trusted authority and advocate for children’s health, and she often partners with health experts and medical practitioners to stay on the cutting edge. In 2016 she created the Wall Street Journal recommended best online kids cooking course, Kids Cook Real Food, helping thousands of families around the world learn to cook. She is actively masterminding the Kids’ Meal Revolution, with a goal of every child learning to cook.

A mom of 4 kids from Michigan, she is also a Certified Stress Mastery Educator, member of the American Institute of Stress and trained speaker through Bo Eason’s Personal Story Power.

Unless otherwise credited, photos are owned by the author or used with a license from Canva or Deposit Photos.

Redefining Parenting: Effective Discipline Strategies for Parents (2025)
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